Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
