so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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