They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We talked him into tasing himself.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
