lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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