We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
