I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
