So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
