I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
