yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
