I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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