she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
