so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
