Are we in a gay sports bar?
I cannot find my penis.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
