Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
