When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
