I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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