just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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