Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
