she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
