a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
