i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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