Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
