Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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