I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
