he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
