Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
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so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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