Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
