If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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