also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
