she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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