now i know why i became what i already was.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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