I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
