dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
