wanna go halves on a baby?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
