Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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