he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
