I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love having hate sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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