it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
