Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
