I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
