lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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