I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
