awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
