I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
