I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
