And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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