you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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