i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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