you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
