No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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