Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
