I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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