Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
