Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
