yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
