Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
