I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
