When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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