If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
