you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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