So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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