please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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