I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
