you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
