I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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