Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
