The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
