i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
