What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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