I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
