So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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