I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
