Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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