i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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