the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
