You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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