his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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