"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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