On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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